May

Mompreneurs By J.C.

There's a new sheriff in the business world - mom. 

More and more professional women who are mothers are starting companies because they can set their own terms. The boss can take the afternoon off to go on a class field trip without having to explain her actions to anyone. Nice gig, huh.

Lots of women think so. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, firms that are 50 percent or more female-owned account for a whopping 46 percent of all privately held U.S. firms.   

Let's bring it down to the micro level and look at a case study.

Jennifer Noonan, a former public relations executive, hated the maternity clothes available during her pregnancy.  She didn't like polyester blends. She didn't like the plastic hangers, fluorescent lighting, and industrial carpet that decorated most maternity stores.

"Do they think pregnant women have lost their joy of shopping?" she asked.

It was her husband who pushed her to do something with her idea. They drove by a new mall that was opening soon in their neighborhood and he suggested she open a maternity store done in her image.  He dared her and she accepted.  She signed a ten-year lease and spent more than $100,000 renovating the store, buying inventory, and designing her own clothes.  She dipped into her family savings to fund the first year of operations.

The first month went by and there was only a small trickle of people flowing into the store. Jennifer tried to attract attention with a risqué window display. She made a deer skin floor length maternity halter dress. Its price tag was $3,000.

"I didn't expect anyone to buy it. It was meant to start people talking," Jennifer says.

Two days went by and no one went into the store. Jennifer was standing in line at a nearby baby clothes store and the two women in front of her were talking about what stores in the mall would close. They said in unison the maternity clothes store - they had never seen anything so tacky. Jennifer felt like she was punched in the gut. The comments physically made her ill.

"Even though I was upset I never doubted my concept. I thought, ‘I have to move to closer to the city, where they'll get this.'," she says.

Jennifer did move the store closer to Los Angeles but before she did she sold the $3,000 dress to a fashion stylist who worked for Jada Pinkett Smith. Mrs. Smith wore the dress in a Vogue photo shoot.

"It just goes to show you should trust your instincts," Jennifer says.

Jennifer's store, Naissance on Melrose, is light and airy with blond wood floors and gold velvet curtains. There's no sailor dresses. Jennifer designs many of the clothes, which are form fitting and echo her regular outfits - jean skirts, halter tops, funky t-shirts and cargo pants. California cool. She even offers her designs wholesale to other maternity stores across the country. She says she generates about three million a year in revenue.

Inappropriate Touching By Lucy

My husband is rolling his eyes, because I've done it again. I'm cupping one boob with one hand without really thinking about it, testing its ripeness like a cook with a piece of fruit. Now that I'm back at work more or less full time, I am constantly having to discipline myself to pump to keep my milk going. Part of that involves checking my breasts all day, to decide whether they are full enough to merit a trip the supply closet in the back of the women's bathroom (where I sit on a fold up chair, surrounded by hundreds of rolls of toilet paper) or, whether I have time to put the finishing touches on one more email...

Pregnancy, breast feeding, and just plain raising kids breaks down your modesty barriers, and sometimes that trickles over into your work life.

When I am at work, I sit in a cubicle surrounded by several single young men in their late twenties, and one other mom of a toddler. The boys (as we moms call them) are great fun to work with, and we get along quite well. The other day I casually announced that I would be away from my desk for a short while to go pump, and that if our VP Marketing came looking for me, they should send my female coworker to go knock on the closet. To me, pumping is on par with going to lunch, but suddenly there was an awkward pause. "What is pumping" one of them wanted to know. "Don't ask" cautioned another, and it gradually dawned on me. They were embarrassed. After all, I'm talking about my boobs. 

I've gotten used to thinking of my breasts in a rather practical, utilitarian way, and they've long since stopped having any sexual connotation. To me, nursing is so ordinary and mundane that I talk about it like any other appointment I have to fit into my overstuffed schedule. And while it may make the young guys blush, compared to some of the conversations I have about bodily functions at home (my toddler is toilet training) I'm quite restrained. Of course it is a little easier to draw that line, because nobody at work expects a cookie for going pee pee in the toilet.

But if there is a long meeting, and our CEO is returning yet again to the subject of last month's catalog, I'll probably reach over and absently pat my left breast, which tends to be an overenthusiastic producer, just to see how it feels.

And boys? Just FYI - that's not dairy creamer in the mini fridge. 

Is it Wrong to Want a Night Off? By J.C.

That's a question I often ask myself. I still feel guilty when I hire a babysitter and go out to dinner. A few times throughout the meal I wonder what my children are doing and if they're alright. I imagine the babysitter calmly sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine while my baby and toddler are screaming their heads off.

It's irrational right? It depends on who you talk to.

 I was pushing my son in a stroller with a friend of mine and her son. She firmly or as she would say pathologically believes in having a night off at least once a week to go out with her husband. She collects babysitter names like shoes. Her sister on the other hand has never uses a babysitter. When she takes the rare night off she has her mother come over. The sister and mom live a thousand miles away so mom babysitting isn't an option for my friend.

"I'm not going to be like my mom and have no life for twelve years. I never had a babysitter growing up. I like my husband and want to spend time with him," she said to explain her point of view and added her sister was coddling her child.

I can see the logic of both points of view. I dream of having a meal like I did prechildren. You know one that is unrushed with wine. There's no concern about the time. There's no one else to feed. I fantasize about dressing up a la Sex and the City and meeting girlfriends for drinks. Maybe even get checked out by an attractive guy.

But that's the thing these are all fantasies because they all involve no consequences. If I stay out late and drink wine, I pay for it dearly at 6 am the next day when my baby wakes up and 6 am is if she's sleeping in. Wearing the fancy clothes and meeting up with friends at happy hour falls right at bedtime. At that hour I couldn't leave the house in anything silk without it becoming stained by the grasping hands of my toddler as he begs me to read him a story. And how big of a damper on the evening is it to leave the child you love beyond reason crying?   

No one ever tells you how hard it is to hand your child off to someone else to watch. Maybe it gets easier over time. My oldest isn't even two yet. Maybe when he's four I'll feel better about going out Friday night for dinner and a movie. Until then I see a lot of take out and movies on demand in my future.  

WINTER ISSUE 

The answer: No. You can take time off but you have to have a plan. Quitting is more than saying the words. It requires a strategy. It's also something an increasing number of women are doing. Each year since 2000 a few hundred thousand women more have decided to stay home, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Last year 5.4 million women identified themselves as stay at home moms.

For Monica quitting when she decided to was a huge sacrifice. She was working on the 2004 presidential campaign. All those months toiling away in bad hotel rooms and working until the wee hours of the morning were supposed to pay off with a bounty of job offers after the campaign. There she was throwing all those offers away.

What she didn't throw away were her connections and neither should you. The most important factor in whether or not you are employable when you want to go back to work is whom you know. People still in the loop can tell you where there are job openings. Ex-coworkers and former supervisors who still know your name might suggest you as a possible hire when something comes up. Networking is the one thing you can't hang in the back of your closet when you decide to shed your suit for sweats.

Optimally you should know you're quitting a few months before you do because you need to shore up your contacts at work. Make sure you have all your coworkers and supervisors contact information. Schmooze. Take people to lunch. Do extra work. Do the assignments others don't want to before you announce you're leaving. Sow the seeds of good will. Commit yourself to emailing these people every couple months, going to lunch once or twice a year and sending Christmas cards.

Besides networking in overdrive, you have to look at other ways you can keep a hand in your career. Ask yourself these questions:

• Are there professional organizations you can join that will help you stay connected?
• Are there other women in your field that you can form a loose network with? Maybe plan to meet for lunch every couple of months.
• Are there charity or volunteer opportunities that will keep you connected? For example doctors can work in clinics and journalists can teach a section of a course.
• Is there part-time or project work you can do?
• Could being active in politics or religion or the schools help you stay connected? Choose where you spend your time wisely.
• Are there courses you can take that will better you professionally?

Don't make the mistake so many women who leave work do. Don't commit one hundred percent of your time to your children. Save a couple hours a week for yourself. Use that time to keep your contacts alive.

Take a lesson from Brenda Barnes, chief executive officer of Sara Lee Corp. Brenda left a leadership position at PepsiCo to stay home with her kids but she didn't let her contacts languish. While she was home she

• served on seven boards of corporations
• chaired the trustees at her former school, Augustana College
• taught a class in leadership at Kellogg Graduate School of Management

When Brenda was ready to go back to work her contacts and skill sets were up to date. She took the job of president of Sara Lee in 2004 and was made CEO a year later. Not bad for a mom of three who took some time off.

You did it. You committed yourself to staying home with your kids for a few years. Now you want to get back into the career you left behind.

It's impossible“ that's what a lot of other mothers, employers and even your husband might tell you.

It's not.

It's hard but what in life isn't hard. Handling a baby and a two year old on three hours of sleep is hard but it's doable.

The good news is employers are starting to recognize the value of stay at home moms. Nonnie Waller's Traditional Southern, a bakery that ships nationally, targeted moms as their first employees because moms were responsible and willing to work. Best Buy's corporate headquarters has adjusted employee hours to help parents out. Basically there's no nine to five anymore. It's get your work done and make your own hours. Microsoft, Pricewaterhouse and Cooper, and Grant Thornton have all started alumni networks for former employees in hopes of luring them back. One of their big targets is women who have been out of the work force. Other smaller companies are taking their lead and starting their own networks. There's even a website called HireMyMom.com, which allows moms to connect with businesses looking for help on projects.

Now that you know that there's a lot out there the next step is figuring out what you want. Give yourself a few months to ease into applying for a job, if you can. Think about where you want to be in five years. Write down who you'd like to work for and what position you would love to have.

Then call a couple human resources people at companies you dream of working for, ask them what qualifications are needed for the job you want and ask them what they're looking for currently because you might be able to get into the company at a lower level and work up.

Once you've figured out what you want and what it will take to get it you have to analyze the steps you need to take to fill in the gap between the two.

• Do you need to take a course or two?
• Do you need more on the job experience?
• Do you need to know more of the right people?
• Do you need to wait until the position opens up?

After you clarify what you have to do to get your ideal job you can begin your real job search. That's right your ideal job will most likely not be your first job when you reenter the workforce. It probably won't be your second job either. Prepare for putting in some time in a position that you don't love but will get you to one that you will. Decide on where to look for a first job based on where you want to be in five years.

If there's a company you're dying to work for, you might consider taking a lower level job to get your foot in the door. If there's a specific employer you want to impress, you could take a job at a less prestigious place that allows you to showcase your skills.

You need to couple your job search with a lot of face time. Not schmoozing exactly. Schmoozing sounds like it's laced with cheap wine and chicken wings. What you need to do is show up at professional organization meetings and other places you know the people you want to hire you will be. You want to soft sell yourself over weeks of interaction. This isn't a sprint it's a marathon and you don't want to become known as the lady with a hire me sign around her neck. It's enough to tell people you're looking for a job. If people want to help you they'll do the rest.

Remember where you are now isn't where you'll be forever. The job you had when you were twenty isn't the job you had when you were thirty. In a sense starting over is like beginning a new career you usually have to pay some dues to get to the really great job. The difference between now and your twenties is the ramp up time is a lot quicker.

THE NANNY BREAK UP

There's one break up that all the bad boyfriends in the world doesn't prepare you for. It's the one that you least expect to hurt. Maybe that's why it hurts more than the last time you were dumped

When my nanny broke up with me I felt like she broke one of my ribs and jabbed it into my lung. I couldn't breath. I wanted to collapse on to my bed, curl into a ball and pretend it didn't happen. I didn't know how I was going to function. I didn't know how to find a new nanny, how long it would take and when I did find one if she'd be a closet felon working under an assumed name with a penchant for child torture.

Plus my nanny was part of my family, wasn't she? Didn't she talk baby talk to my son and sing Elmo songs to him? It was like my aunt telling me she was quitting the title of aunt. Well, dear, it's time you got another extended family member to call herself your aunt I'm moving to the role of acquaintance.." "

After she told me all I could manage was, "Umm, okay so, uh, you're going to, like, uh do what, I mean are going to nanny somewhere else.."

"I'm going to be a cheese specialist at the grocery store," she gushed.

That's not a career move you see coming from someone whose primary mission in life had been caring for your son.

You're leaving my child for cheese? I thought. My mind lurched. I pictured my son doing all the adorable things he does - how he dances like a chicken flapping his wings, how he says please like peas. Then I pictured a block of cheddar, a wheel of Parmesan. How could they possibly be as enticing?

I imagined my nanny talking in her baby voice to the cheese, " Now aren't you just the cutest little f Manchego I've ever seen? Customers will wuv wuv wuv you.."

I didn't get it.

I pictured her wrapping the individual slices in cellophane like she did my son's diapers. Sure they were neater those pieces of cheese but blue cheese can smell as funky as a toddler's poo.

"Is there anything we can do to change your mind? More money? Shorter hours? What?" I was desperate to keep my family together with our nanny. At that moment of weakness I might have given her a car and a month paid vacation in the Bahamas.

She smiled at me, "No," she said. She had made up her mind.

For the next few days I felt like my heart had been ripped out and trampled. Whenever I saw her and my son together I felt like I needed to cry. He's going to miss her so much, I thought.

I felt betrayed like my son was worth less in her estimation than the $2.99 special on provolone. I worked this notion over and over with my husband until he said to me in exasperation, "There's going to be more nannies you have to get used to this. Pull yourself together."

I couldn't wrap my head around how a nanny could leave her child and then I replayed what I had just thought, "her child." My son wasn't her child. My son was her job. People leave their jobs all the time.

That's the thing about nannies. They are people who are nice to your child but they're not you.

She left two weeks later to pursue her dream of pushing dairy products. But she'll be back I bet. Cutting cheese will lose its romance after the usual honeymoon period and she'll long for the exhilaration of catching yogurt and food detritus as it's flung from the high chair, the rich rewards of getting sprayed with urine during a diaper change, and of course the character building exercises of winning a test of wills over who owns the Tylenol bottle.